| 实在不好意思。四月诗歌月就要过去了，我原来打算认真说说两首外文诗，结果一首都没有说完。 接着说《在一颗小星下》的英译版本。除了比较权威的Stanislaw Baranczak与Clare Cavanagh共同翻译的那个版本之外，我还找到了其他三份英译版本。不是想比较高低或者先后，我主要的考虑是，虽然读不懂波兰文，但是可以借鉴不同的译文来探讨原作的信息。由于这些资料来自于网络，所以posted的时间不等于译作发表时间，仅供参考。 2. Under a Certain Little Star translated by Joanna Trzeciak, posted on 8/30/2005 My apologies to chance for calling it necessity. My apologies to necessity in case I'm mistaken. Don't be angry, happiness, that I take you for my own. May the dead forgive me that their memory's but a flicker. My apologies to time for the quantity of world overlooked per second. My apologies to an old love for treating a new one as the first. Forgive me, far-off wars, for carrying my flowers home. Forgive me, open wounds, for pricking my finger. My apologies for the minuet record, to those calling out from the abyss. My apologies to those in train stations for sleeping soundly at five in the morning. Pardon me, hounded hope, for laughing sometimes. Pardon me, deserts, for not rushing in with a spoonful of water. And you, O hawk, the same bird for years in the same cage, staring, motionless, always at the same spot, absolve me even if you happen to be stuffed. My apologies to the tree felled for four table legs. My apologies to large questions for small answers. Truth, do not pay me too much attention. Solemnity, be magnanimous toward me. Bear with me, O mystery of being, for pulling threads from your veil. Soul, don't blame me that I've got you so seldom. My apologies to everything that I can't be everywhere. My apologies to all for not knowing how to be every man and woman. I know that as long as I live nothing can excuse me, since I am my own obstacle. Do not hold it against me, O speech, that I borrow weighty words, and then labor to make them light. 3. Under a Certain Little Star translated by MagnusJ. Krynski and Robert A. Maguir, posted on 7/21/2009 I apologize to coincidence for calling it necessity. I apologize to necessity just in case I'm mistaken. Let happiness be not angry that I take it as my own. Let the dead not remember they scarcely smolder in my memory. I apologize to time for the muchness of the world overlooked per second. I apologize to old love for regarding the new as the first. Forgive me, far-off wars, for bringing flowers home. Forgive me, open wounds, for pricking my finger. I apologize to those who cry out of the depths for the minuet-record. I apologize to people at railway stations for sleeping at five in the morning. Pardon me, hounded hope, for laughing now and again. Pardon me, deserts, for not rushing up with a spoonful of water. And you, O falcon, the same these many years, in that same cage, forever staring motionless at that self-same spot, absolve me, even though you are but a stuffed bird. I apologize to the cut-down tree for the table's four legs. I apologize to big questions for small answers. O Truth, do not pay me too much heed. O Solemnity, be magnanimous unto me. Endure, mystery of existence, that I pluck out the threads of your train. Accuse me not, O soul, of possessing you but seldom. I apologize to everything that I cannot be everywhere. I apologize to everyone that I cannot be every man and woman. I know that as long as I live nothing can justify me, because I myself am an obstacle to myself. Take it not amiss, O speech, that I borrow weighty words, and later try hard to make them seem light. 4. Beneath One Little Star translated by Adam Czerniawski, posted on 11/1/2011 My apologies to the accidental for calling it necessary. However apologies to necessity if I happen to by wrong. Hope happiness won’t be angry if I claim it as my own. May the dead forget they barely smolder in my remembrance. Apologies to time for the abundance of the world missed every second. Apologies to my old love for treating the new as the first. Forgive me, distant wars, for bringing flowers home. Forgive me, open wounds, that I prick my finger. Apologies to those calling from the abyss for a record of a minuet. Apologies to people catching trains for sleeping at dawn. Pardon me, baited hope, for my sporadic laugh. Pardon me, deserts, for not rushing with a spoonful of water; And you too, hawk, unchanged in years, in that self-same cage. Staring motionless, always at the self-same spot. Forgive me, even if you are stuffed. Apologies for the hewn tree for four table legs. Apologies to the big questions for small replies. Truth, don’t pay me too much attention. Seriousness – be magnanimous. Mystery of Being – suffer me to pluck threads from your train. Soul – don’t blame me for having you but rarely. Apologies to everyone for failing to be every him or her. I know that while I live nothing can excuse me, Since I am my own impediment. Speech – don’t blame me for borrowing big words and then struggling to make them light. 看起来辛波斯卡的诗还是比较简练易懂的，至少从英文版本上看，翻译内容的大致相同，不同的主要是词汇语序以及在节奏上的处理。对比这些译文，我自己认为意义区别比较大的是第4行和第20行。为了便于对照，我把这两句的译文重新排列如下： 第4行：Niech mi zapomna umarli, ze ledwie tla sie w pamieci. 1: May my dead be patient with the way my memories fade. 2: May the dead forgive me that their memory’s just a flicker. 3: Let the dead not remember they scarcely smolder in my memory. 4: May the dead forget that they barely smolder in my remembrance. （谷歌译文：Let me forget the dead, with barely tla August in memory.） 第20行：Scierp, tajemnico bytu, że wyskrobuje nitki z twego trenu 1: Bear with me, o mystery of existence, as I pluck the occasional thread from your train. 2: Bear with me, o mystery of being, for pulling threads from your veil. 3: Endure, mystery of existence, that i pluck out the threads of your train. 4: Mystery of being — suffer me to pluck threads from your train. （谷歌译文：Scierp, mystery being that the threads of your wyskrobuje her train.） 本来还想仔细分析一下这两句的区别到底在哪里。但是时间有限，先把我比较认可的句子用黑色标注出来。八月曾经在第一篇的评论里提到第20句的中译文有点费解。看来谷歌在翻译过程中，对这一句也很头疼。 最后说一下，Adam Czerniawski的译文好像漏掉了第22句，可能是网络上发表时产生的疏漏。我目前无法找到印刷本来补充。 |
八月风: 同意你的理解，我按你在第一篇日记里中译本的格式试了一下：
存在的奥秘啊，请包容我偶然让细节与过程脱离
八月风: 看了风雨搜集的这几个英文翻译版本，我还是不太理解第20句的意思。每次读诗的时候，就特别感觉到自己的英文还是挺差劲的。...
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