《随想随写 有感而发》
By James Hammond （寒哲）
During Yafei's last days, I usually went to bed at 9 or 10. But on the night she died (November 5, 2009, 54 years and 5 months after she was born), I stayed up late, afraid that she would continue having painful cramps. I thought I could help her with the cramps, by pressing under her nose (an acupuncture technique). Shortly before midnight, I noticed she was having a cramp, I started pressing under her nose, and the cramp gradually subsided. Then she looked at me with her old look -- big eyes, focused eyes, healthy expression_r_r, no pain, no fear. I was surprised because I hadn’t seen that look for a long time; in recent days, she hadn’t looked at anyone, she hadn’t been able to focus her eyes. After looking at me for a second with her old look, she stopped breathing, she died.
In those final days, I often thought of our early days together in Northampton. She was 32 when we met. I wish everyone reading this could, for a moment, see Yafei as I saw her -- the cheerful spirit, the bouncing step, the warm smile -- as she played tennis, or threw a frisbee, or cycled around Northampton.
Perhaps her most salient traits were her bright smile, and her charming body language. I once saw a young boy, perhaps eight years old, watch Yafei walking on a tennis court; he couldn’t take his eyes off her, he was captivated by her body language, and said, “I like her,” though she was a complete stranger to him. One of Yafei’s Chinese friends, Ma Bo (Lao Gui), described her as “kai,” meaning “open.”
As a youngster, Yafei never had any pets, except silk-worms, but when she was about 50, she finally had a pet in the house, a beagle named Tucker. She was very fond of Tucker, perhaps because he too was “kai,” open; she loved his moral simplicity. Shortly before she died, she said she’d like Tucker to accompany her on the approaching journey. When my father died in the spring of 2009, Yafei said that if she died then, too, they could be together (she was very fond of my father). She was glad that I would accompany her by having our names on the same gravestone.
Though Yafei was fond of music, and sung well, her favorite art was literature. She wrote both fiction and non-fiction, was involved with several Chinese-language e-zines, wrote a column on American education for a Chinese magazine, and translated three books from English to Chinese. (When she died, and her body was dressed for the last time, her mother put a paper and pen in one hand, some dumplings in her other hand.) Yafei was also very fond of film, and even thought about working in the film industry. She loved traveling, and made two trips to Europe (one to Italy, one to France). She was also an avid photographer. And when it came to picking colors for a house-painting project, no one was better than Yafei. In short, she was “all-around artistic.”
Everyone who knew Yafei mourned her death -- such a unique style, so much charm, so much courage. Joyce must have been thinking of Yafei when he spoke of "the finest purest character".
亚非弥留的那段日子，我通常九、十点钟上床休息。但她临终的那个晚上（2009年11月5号，亚非出生后54年零5个月），我一直没睡，我担心折磨亚非的绞痛会持续发作。我可以使用一种针灸技术帮点忙，用手指在她鼻子底下按压止痛。临近子夜，我发现她的绞痛又发作了，我就开始替她按压穴位，绞痛慢慢平息了。然后她用她以往的神情看着我……大大的眼睛，炯炯有神，健康的表情，没有痛苦，没有恐惧。我吃了一惊，因为我好久没见到亚非这样的神情了。最近一段时间，她的目光已经无法集中到任何人身上。她这样看了我一眼后，停止了呼吸，她走了。
在亚非的最后一段时间，我常常想起早年我俩在英格兰中部Northampton郡时的日子。我们相遇的时候，亚非32岁。有那么一瞬间，我真的希望每个读到我这些文字的人能看到我当年看到的她……那神采飞扬的样子，蹦蹦跳跳的步伐，和煦的微笑……打网球，扔飞盘，或者在Northampton郡骑自行车。
亚非最突出的特点也许是她生动的笑容和迷人的身体语言。有一次我看见一个小男孩，差不多8岁吧；他盯着在网球场走路的亚非，没法把眼睛从她身上移开，他被亚非的肢体动作迷住了。虽然亚非对小男孩来说完全是个陌生人，他却说：“我喜欢她”。亚非的一个中国朋友马波（老鬼），用“开放”的“开”来形容她。
除了蚕宝宝，亚非小时候从来没有过其他宠物，到她50岁的时候，她终于在家里养了一只宠物狗，一头叫Tucker的比格猎犬。亚非很喜欢Tucker，大概因为Tucker跟她一样，也很“开”，而她喜欢他的纯朴。辞世前不久，亚非说以后的旅程要是也有Tucker陪伴就好了。当我父亲今年春天过世时，亚非表示如果她也在差不多的时间离开，那他们俩就可以在一起了（亚非非常敬爱我父亲）。她很开心我的名字将会出现在同一块墓碑上陪伴她。
虽然亚非喜欢音乐，歌唱得也棒，但她最爱的还是文学艺术。她写小说，也写真实故事，她参予了好几种中文电子刊物的创办、编辑和写作工作，并为一家中文杂志写美国教学专栏，还用中文翻译了三本英文书。（她停止呼吸以后，我们最后一次为她梳妆打扮，她母亲在她一只手里放了一张纸和一支笔，在她另一只手里搁了几只饺子。）亚非也很喜欢电影，甚至还想过投身电影业。她热爱旅行，去欧洲旅行过两次（一次去了意大利，一次去了法国）。亚非还是个热心的摄影家。当我们为我们家房屋油漆工程挑选合适的颜色时，没有人比她更胜任的了。总之，亚非是位“全能艺术家”。
每一个认识亚非的人都哀悼她的离去……如此独特，如此迷人，充满勇气的亚非啊。詹姆斯·乔伊斯在写下那句“最好最纯的品行”时，一定想到了亚非。
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