音乐/诗歌/翻译：阿尔比诺尼《G小调柔板》

老瓦

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=spBOZa87xIY

阿尔比诺尼《G小调柔板》
by 老瓦



我习惯步入一串钟声的耳畔
由回音打开另一个回音
恍如服从宿念的无止纠缠
去默认我孤陋印堂上
半弯月光的失明
也透过G弦上指尖的私语
抵达他灵感深处最隐蔽的一道灰蓝


弦月夜的子午线
均匀地分割身后一对对脚印
它们横跨我命中的阴晴两座人间
位错植根于凡俗心底
原本也可以相安无事
假若这海啸般的旋律不曾压顶而来
将我毕生呵护的面具击溃
......

......
节拍严格循水而行
让华彩的旧梦浮起又下沉
一路上我们迟疑不定
回溯岁月怎样屈身于衰老的步履
悲欢被拴在理想的最高阶
所有劫难都如愿谋得立锥之地
为此我将反穿麻衣
消逝在琴弓呜咽的尾声
那幸运之手无力垂顾的果园
终于结出缄默的单音
我们如释重负
我们的余生不再有巅峰与山谷



Translation below by WOA
*************************************
阿尔比诺尼《G小调柔板》
Albinoni "Adagio in G Minor"


我习惯步入一串钟声的耳畔
由回音打开另一个回音
恍如服从宿念的无止纠缠
去默认我孤陋印堂上
半弯月光的失明
也透过G弦上指尖的私语
抵达他灵感深处最隐蔽的一道灰蓝

I tend to find myself stroll by a string of tolling bells,
pulling open one echo from within another,
as if reconcile with the never-ending foul of destiny
by resigning to the waning crescent over my forehead.
Also through the whispers of his fingertip on the G string,
I feel like reaching to the deepest shade of blue
hemmed secretively inside his genius.


弦月夜的子午线
均匀地分割身后一对对脚印
它们横跨我命中的阴晴两座人间
位错植根于凡俗心底
原本也可以相安无事
假若这海啸般的旋律不曾压顶而来
将我毕生呵护的面具击溃
......

The meridian under the night of half moon
divides equally these trailing pairs of footprints
that bridge the two polarized worlds in my being.
The disorder rooted in the petty heart
would have been molded to settle with inner harmony,
if not for the tsunami-like melody that overtops all
and destroys the mask nursed by my lifelong prayer……

......
节拍严格循水而行
让华彩的旧梦浮起又下沉
一路上我们迟疑不定
回溯岁月怎样屈身于衰老的步履
悲欢被拴在理想的最高阶
所有劫难都如愿谋得立锥之地
为此我将反穿麻衣
消逝在琴弓呜咽的尾声
那幸运之手无力垂顾的果园
终于结出缄默的单音
我们如释重负
我们的余生不再有巅峰与山谷

……the tempo faithfully toes on the line of water,
stirring up and down the grandeur of old dreams.
All the way long we proceed through doubt,
reflecting how the time has been trapped in the aging footsteps.
Now that the tragedy is fixated to the top order of our ideal
all miseries have seized firm footings in their own right.
Thereby I’ll wear the robe of sackcloth inside out
and exile myself to the violin’s weeping finale.
In the orchard yet to be touched by the hands of fortune
finally born is the lonesome tune of silence,
at which we feel relieved after all,
that for rest of our lives there’re never more of spikes and valleys.


.

云天

云天

贫农无法炸油条。同情一把。

你贴LINK 即可，富人们会来帮忙的。 这分最好挣。

老瓦

thanks YT,  this is a bit ridiculous though since the linkage of Youtube doesn't take any system resource.

云天

The pleasure is mine.

Well, can't say I disagree with you. But, I believe you'll become rich pretty soon at this rate.
You earn 5 points each time you start a new thread, so just keep working!

This great musical piece is beautiful and powerful with some poignancy.  
Your poem is very impressive, interpreting the music in a remarkable way.

老瓦

5# 云天

Thanks!!  but now that your overstatement sets too high an expectation,  that I'm feeling discouraged already

云天

用翻译机涂了两笔。

阿尔比诺尼《G小调柔板》
老瓦

Albinoni "Adagio in G Minor"
Written by WOA
Translated by Yuntian


我习惯步入一串钟声的耳畔
由回音打开另一个回音
恍如服从宿念的无止纠缠
去默认我孤陋印堂上
半弯月光的失明
也透过G弦上指尖的私语
抵达他灵感深处最隐蔽的一道灰蓝

I’m used to pacing into a string of tolling bells
In which one echo starts another
As if abiding by the ceaseless entanglement of fate
By silently acknowledging the dim crescent
Over my poorly informed forehead
Also through the murmurs of his fingertip on the G string
I feel like reaching the grayish blue hiding secretively in his utmost soul


弦月夜的子午线
均匀地分割身后一对对脚印
它们横跨我命中的阴晴两座人间
位错植根于凡俗心底
原本也可以相安无事
假若这海啸般的旋律不曾压顶而来
将我毕生呵护的面具击溃
......
......
The meridian line under the crescent-lit night sky
Equally divides the trailing pairs of footprints
Which span the two worlds in my fate, one cloudy, the other sunny
Dislocated and deeply rooted in the hearts of mortals
They could have lived together peacefully
Had the tsunami-like melody not come overtopping all
Crashing my mask I nurtured for all my life


节拍严格循水而行
让华彩的旧梦浮起又下沉
一路上我们迟疑不定
回溯岁月怎样屈身于衰老的步履
悲欢被拴在理想的最高阶
所有劫难都如愿谋得立锥之地
为此我将反穿麻衣
消逝在琴弓呜咽的尾声
那幸运之手无力垂顾的果园
终于结出缄默的单音
我们如释重负
我们的余生不再有巅峰与山谷

The rhythms drift along the water precisely
Making the brilliant old dreams rise and fall
All the way we proceed with doubts
Thinking back how time has conceded to the aging steps
Now sorrow and joy are tied up on the topmost step of ideals
All miseries have found their niches as they wished
For this I shall wear my sackcloth robe inside out
Vanishing into the finale of the sobbing bow
The orchard beyond the touch of the powerless hand of fortune
Finally produces its mute tune
We feel relieved at last
For there’ll be no more peaks or vales for the rest of our lives

老瓦

多谢云天，从你的译本又受到很多启发。

pace into很形象，the melody comes to overtop all若改为rises to overtop all或更好。peaks and vales显然是更好的选择。

另外，cloudy and sunny worlds从字面更忠实，但因为我有bi-polar disorder，所以自然选用后者；））

“悲欢被拴在理想的最高阶
所有劫难都如愿谋得立锥之地”

是这一首的诗眼，我觉得翻译中用抽象的遣词或许贴切些，比如fixate, order, right, instead of tie up,  step, niche等等。当然还有我的老毛病，genius跟soul, 我根本没想过汉语中的具体差别有多大，就直接用了前者。

云天

多谢老瓦指点！

你的译本相当好！
我喜欢译两笔，也就贴上来了。比方说 proceed with doubts 是照抄的。
当然我是先译了才瞧你的，不然就全抄了。


“……the tempo faithfully toes on the line of water,
stirring up and down the grandeur of old dreams.”
这句你译得形象漂亮！


“悲欢被拴在理想的最高阶
所有劫难都如愿谋得立锥之地”

你译得不错， 我译得太平淡。只是不想照抄。:)
拴：我也想过用 "chain".
劫难: 我有点想用catastrophe， 又怕过了。

理想与磨难的砂石相砺，终会凝结美丽的珍珠。


“bi-polar disorder”？  No kidding!  
跌宕的诗句原来是天赋啊。


你的译本值得我借鉴学习之处很多。好诗好译。谢分享。

老瓦

多谢云天的加班劳动，有点受宠若惊了！我的亲身感受，也觉得翻译是磨蹭出来的，而且时间隔的越久，想法越不相同，越有可能增色。

那个原版还有很多修改地方，比如用chained to，就是上佳的选择。再谢！！